


I'm Still Not Over You

by SkylessNights



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Because I'm still crying, Denial, Ex Lovers, Exes, M/M, Parsby fans how we feeling after that finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28326864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkylessNights/pseuds/SkylessNights
Summary: Lee doesn't want to admit to himself that he is still in love with his first love. Ever since he left Lee's always felt this sense of loneliness, even when surrounded by companions such as Hester, Iorek and Lyra. The hole in his heart never repaired itself; it always ached for one man… John Parry. What happens when he sees him again after so many years?
Relationships: John Parry/Lee Scoresby
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	I'm Still Not Over You

**Author's Note:**

> I've changed the storyline for this fic three times but I finally got down to finishing it! Gosh can we all just talk about that finale? I'm going to cry! I'm still upset but hopefully this won't make you too sad haha xD Hope you like it, enjoy! Please let me know what you think in the comments :)

Lee loved nothing more than to watch the sun rise, even though he had seen it so many times, he could never get over how beautiful it was. How calm it made him feel. And that’s what he needed right now… peace. 

And he definitely got what he asked for because no one in the airship uttered a word for the entire journey, not even Hester, which surprised him because she was always finding things to comment on. 

Lee had to admit the silence was deafening, especially, since he was sharing this awkward moment with his newly acquainted passenger, John Parry. Or was it Jopari? He had too many names and Lee couldn’t be arsed to remember them all. He only knew him by one.

For a quiet man, John’s playful antics with his osprey daemon never ceased to surprise Lee. 

“Are you studying us, Mr Scoresby?.”

John’s low sultry voice snapped Lee out of his thoughts. 

“I wonder what he must think of us.” John smiled mischievously as he whispered back to his daemon. He shot a glance at Lee, who was staring back at him, arms folded and eyebrows raised. John couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m glad you find this all amusing.” 

“And _finally_ he speaks to us.” John smiled, satisfied. His osprey daemon flapped her wings and he watched as she soared into the air .

“Maybe we should just go back to not speaking at all.” Lee said, turning his back towards John. 

“Well we did that for the last two days and,” John picked up his daemon’s loose feather of the seat next to him, “I would rather we just talked.”

“About what?”

“Anything.” 

Lee rubbed the nape of his neck. _Anything?_ Well if he was giving him a choice he might as well ask him the most urgent thing that was on his mind. But did he want to know the answer? Lee sighed. 

“If I ask you something, do you promise to answer it truthfully?” 

“I promise.” 

Lee nodded his head slowly. 

“That night in the Arctic, when we were planning where to travel to next, and you decided to-” Lee closed his eyes, his lips quivering slightly. _Decided to leave me_. He quickly cleared his throat and stood up tall. “And you decided to stay with the Shaman we had met earlier that day. If I asked you to come with me instead, if I had put up more of a fight, would you have listened?” 

John didn’t respond. Instead, he began to fidget with the feather in his hand, stroking its edges again and again. Lee held his breath and tapped his fingers repeatedly on the metal bar surrounding the airship. He peered over his shoulder to look at John, who seemed distracted by his own thoughts. Lee turned to Hester, who was sleeping on the seat next to him. He wished for her company now more than ever. She had been quiet for so long that he almost forgot that there were four of them travelling in the ship. Well that’s if he counted the osprey who was currently gliding in the sky around them. 

Lee turned back to John, he was standing up now and walking towards him. 

“If you asked me that day,” John said, releasing the feather from his hand. He watched it float in the wind before fixing his eyes on Lee. “I don’t know what I would have done.” 

Lee turned away from him.

“I guess it was easier for you then.”

“Easier?” John narrowed his eyes, clearly puzzled.

“Leaving.” Lee said, turning back to face him. 

“ _Lee-_ ” John begged.

“Come on,” Lee laughed, “The moment that shaman suggested that you should accompany him further North, you were practically packing your bags and ready to go.” 

“Lee, you know more than anyone that I wanted to study, to learn about these strange worlds around us. To help the people in it!” John spoke much more sternly now, his eyes maintaining contact with Lee’s. “Ivan _gave_ me that opportunity.” 

Lee blinked back the tears in his eyes, he tried to turn away but John cupped his chin, forcing him to stare back. He bit his tongue, stopping himself from saying anything else in case his voice trembled. _Don’t let him see you cry_ , Lee thought. However, John was looking at him with such sympathy that he felt the absolute opposite of crying his heart out.

“Don’t look at me like that.” 

“Like what?” John said softly, removing his hand from Lee’s face.

“Like I’m someone you pity.” 

John froze and watched on helplessly as Lee walked away from him. 


End file.
